A tenant’s prayer

if you meet your landlord

and he’s a standalone guy:

hairy, heavy built, bearded,

looks like his choice of purse

is a tool kit – rent his place.

clear out the apartment

with ribbon smoke

from your roll of incense.

get in every crevice,

no stone unturned, banish

toxins from former tenants.

make sure it aligns

to the fate you were born with --

your horse zodiac,

wood element, sagittarius self

should avoid houses with north

and west windows to prevent

cold winds that may bring illnesses,

evil spirits, or violent outbursts.

choose a complex with

not too many floors,

do not stay on 4 and 13,

and remain in the single digits.

avoid units close to trash chutes

and common areas.

the former will bring bad luck,

the latter brings too many people.

the energy level in your home can never

exceed four extroverts.

keep tabs before they

feed on your soul.

don’t lose your future

over a badly chosen house, one where

the door faces the hallway

or the sun shines too strong.

windows in eye-line with

sharp construction corners

may reflect incompleteness

on you.

before turning in,

don’t place your head

against the door

to prevent a slit throat.

keep bed away from bath,

never face the mirror,

& always cover your feet

lest you feel a tight grip.

follow these steps,

bring harmony home.

just hope you don’t get woken up

by deafening moans

and squeaky springs

from your multi-hyphenate

rockstar neighbor,

one whose breaths

can be heard

from your pillow.