Quick effort to gather tools

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
—Dalai Lama

Born just after World War II

among the shadows of The Holocaust,

my parents were devout atheists

(how well did the Jewish G-d work out?)

and I was raised with no religious

training, so do take this prosody

with a huge grain of salty tears.

Although my understanding

is that we, historically, have not

excelled at traditions around

lovingkindness, the processes of

mourning are experientially

more down our bailiwick—a

matter of obvious expertise.

First, there is a period of shock

after death but before burial,

called aninoot, during which

mourners are relieved of all

responsibilities—other than

funeral preparations. Zero

social obligations to fulfill.

Then comes shivah’s intense

week, just staying with family,

receiving succor from friends.

…Perhaps don’t leave the house.

The idea is to take enough time

to allow feelings—memories.

Folks bring food, not advice.

Mourners sit on low benches.

Hair, flowers left uncut; one must

be grounded in Earth. Except

among by-the-book zealots, folks

retain discretion to meet needs:

If pain’s too great—as when a child dies—

feel free to return to work.

Now I am in sheloshim

(Hebrew for “thirty”), the month-

long phase when the aperture

back into the world widens.

Grief may lose steam.

Shana (meaning “year”)

concludes formal ritual.

Those of you who’ve accrued greater wisdom,

please help me? Amen.